Welcome to my blog. I am LN. A tough girl fighting battles which are just as tough.

 

'Crazie Pain Full Whole' is really about exactly what it says.

 

The 'Pain Full' part is about a woman riddled with pain- fibromyalgia; daily migraines, upper, mid, and lower back pain; chronic breast pain following 5 surgeries (for both cancerous and benign tumours) and radiotherapy; stomach pain (IBS); knee pain; bone pain (both tibia bones); ankle pain; pain on the soles of my feet... In addition I have chronic fatigue syndrome, major memory problems, severe and crazy eczema, asthma... (I'll remember the rest later... Slowly...)

 

The 'Crazie' part is an interesting mix of many things. There is the natural inborn girl who has a big heart and can be too understanding (friends say that needs to stop), who goes to the beach to scream out her frustrations when it all gets too much, the girl who was crazy enough to believe she could finish a PhD despite all the issues above (I quit recently), crazy enough to work straight for 24 hours when she gets a good day because she knows she might not get another good day any time soon (then she is down again, worse than before), the girl who is on a mix of several opioids including- fentanyl; tramadol; morphine injections in excessive pain periods; oxycodone in excessive pain; and other heavy drugs, yet is able to do her best to live a normal life. More importantly crazy enough to stay sane despite everything going on. The crazie girl is a mix of the good and the bad, but she stays true to herself, and I believe she is still standing because of the beautiful complicated mix.

 

The 'Whole' Part is the most important. It's a defiant stand, total belief, and confidence, that all the diseases, pain, and suffering, do not take anything from me. I am complete, good enough, and just perfect the way I am. Anyone who thinks otherwise is not right in their head.

 

I have started this blog as a way of reclaiming life, discovering who I am, what moves me, and what needs discarding. It's probably my first big selfish act- focussing on myself. I hope in the process I can help both myself and others- both the patients and the caregivers.

 

So... Let's do this